As we speak’s reflection is from visitor contributor Flora x. Tang. Flora is a doctoral candidate in theology and peace research on the College of Notre Dame. She is initially from Beijing, China and now lives in South Bend, Indiana.
The liturgical readings for Palm Sunday may be discovered right here.
Six years in the past, in the midst of main a Palm Sunday opening procession from the outside of my church to the altar, I got here out as queer.
Or a greater option to put it may be that I made a decision this liturgically-maximalist Palm Sunday procession can be probably the most becoming feast day that I may select to commemorate yearly as my “popping out anniversary.” With my lips chanting the acquainted Hosana Filio David hymn and my proper hand lazily waving a palm department, I informed myself—and maybe additionally informed God— that sure, I’m queer, and that sure, I’m cherished.
But when realizing that I used to be queer was a complicated and drawn-out course of, the concept of “popping out” was much more so. In each Catholic areas and past, “popping out” as queer regarded much less like verbally declaring my sexuality to your complete world as soon as and for all, and extra like utilizing a mixture of hints and delicate cues to point my queerness to these I perceived as affirming, and to shielding queer elements of myself away from those that is probably not so. Residing as a queer individual means navigating these endless uncertainties and subtleties each day.
This dynamic was maybe why deciding on one of the crucial distinctly superb and liturgically extravagant days of the liturgical yr because the day to commemorate my popping out appeared becoming: on Palm Sunday, we learn the gospel of Jesus’ superb entrance into Jerusalem and his final demise on the cross. On Palm Sunday, we proclaim that God loves us, even to the purpose of God’s personal demise. When on Palm Sunday I got here out to myself and to God, I used to be sure—and rested comfortably within the certainty—that God loves me for who I’m as a result of he died for me.
However at present’s gospel studying, which this liturgical yr is from the Gospel of Mark, tells a story the place Jesus—having spent nearly all of this gospel hiding his identification as Messiah from his group— reveals himself because the Messiah, and is then killed by the Roman authorities due to this scandalous revelation. His “popping out” ends in violence.
As an educational dedicated to nonviolence and peace, this angle has made my relationship with Palm Sunday develop unsure. If all are known as to comply with Jesus in his life and self-giving demise, are we, as queer Catholics, additionally known as to a lifetime of struggling, ostracization, and maybe even demise as a result of we select to disclose who we’re? Are we, as many Catholic teachings on gender and sexuality have repeated, to “embrace our personal crosses?” Or, are we all the time known as, as dominant homosexual narratives within the U.S. recommend, to all the time be keen to return out as queer regardless of the potential dangers or risks we could face in consequence?
I’d like to reply a convincing “NO” to all these questions and inform all who doubt that they’re cherished past query. However the gospel tales of Palm Sunday and Holy Week–and the way folks have been decoding these gospels for hundreds of years–are tough to supply a easy, clarifying affirmation.
For instance, I nonetheless don’t know why in a world already crammed with a lot violence, {that a} loving God’s self-revelation and demise on the cross marks one of many holiest weeks of our Catholic custom. I profess by religion—but nonetheless don’t actually know—whether or not Jesus’ personal struggling and demise is actually one thing we must always all the time emulate. In a world already crammed with the unjust killing and demise of marginalized folks, I have no idea why violence and demise are held up on a pedestal of holiness in our religion custom, or why queer Catholics are all the time known as to embrace their very own crosses of self-renunciation.
I have no idea, and extra importantly select to not imagine, that self-denial and lengthy struggling are the one methods to dwell a lifetime of Christ-like love. I want to pray as an alternative for security, for all times, for companionship, for pleasure, and for flourishing for all my queer and trans siblings. I pray for a world the place queer kids don’t die. And I pray for a world the place deaths are mourned moderately than glorified.
I got here out as queer on Palm Sunday due to the Ardour narrative’s resounding proclamation of God’s unceasing love for me, even to the purpose of demise. The knowledge of a Jesus who died for me provided me solace in a time when my queer expertise and my queer future have been murky and complicated. I’m not so positive anymore whether or not the picture of an incarnate God-the-Son who died on the cross can proceed to provide me and different queer folks hope and luxury in a violent, anti-queer church and world.
However my yearly commemoration of this Palm Sunday-qua-coming out feast day (and all of the queer pleasure in my very own life that adopted that day six years in the past) offers me a purpose to proceed making an attempt, and proceed hoping.
—Flora x. Tang, March 24, 2024