“I believed his suggestion was a joke at first.” (Photograph topic is a mannequin.) – Getty Photos/iStockphotoDear Quentin,Most Learn from MarketWatchI am confused and, if I’m being trustworthy, barely greatly surprised. A part of me looks like it is a “Expensive Abby” query, and the opposite half feels prefer it’s a Moneyist query due to the monetary side to this dilemma, and since I’ve learn your column often for a few years and also you give “psychological” recommendation along with monetary recommendation. I don’t even know the best way to begin or who to ask, so I’ll begin from the start and I’ll ask you. Deep breath…I had a beautiful dinner with a person two months in the past. He lives about two hours away. I stay in a serious metropolis, and we had mutual work connections. We texted over that point, and he texted to say that he was coming to town subsequent weekend. I replied: “I’d like to see you and purchase you dinner.” He was useful with a undertaking I’m engaged on and he purchased me dinner the final time. I’m 50, divorced and impartial, and felt good as a lady about having the ability to return the praise.There’s a giant convention on the town that weekend and motels are costly. He texted me flirtatiously to ask, “So will I be capable to sleep in your couch?” I hadn’t dominated out the chance that it might be a terrific night, and we might find yourself taking our relationship to the “subsequent degree,” particularly as we’ve gotten to know one another quite a bit higher during the last whereas. However as time glided by, I felt more and more uncomfortable and awkward together with his suggestion.Story continuesGenerous invitationI replied, “I’m undecided about that, however I’m trying ahead to a pleasant dinner, and to attending to know you higher.” That’s when the texts actually ramped up. He stated he didn’t need to drive for 2 hours and “need to spend $400 on a lodge room.” I defined that having a person again to my house who I’ve met a few times, even to remain on the couch, could be quite a bit to ask, and if we had been trustworthy such an invite might imply greater than only a visitor on the couch.His response was much more bewildering. He stated he was in his 40s and he didn’t have time to **** round. I can’t use the phrase he really texted in your website. In different phrases, he isn’t going to drive two hours to town for the weekend if he isn’t positive that we’re going to be critical. I assume that he means he needs a dedication from me earlier than we go for dinner. It began with a beneficiant (I believed) dinner invitation, however ended up on this bizarre place.Is that this an indecent proposal? Am I overthinking this? In all different methods, he’s a enjoyable and pleasant man. I believed his suggestion was a joke at first, however over a number of days and textual content messages got here to appreciate that he’s not kidding round. It’s his manner or the freeway. If I say no, he’ll rethink accepting my invitation. He’s good-looking, profitable, and has at all times appeared like a terrific man. It’s a blow as he has at all times been pleasant, heat and charming.Single & IndependentRelated: I’ve paid hire to my boyfriend since 2012 — and helped increase his baby. He’s making $200,000 on the sale of his house. Am I entitled to half?“Your own home is your secure house.” – MarketWatch illustrationDear Single & Impartial,You gave him an invite and he responded with an ultimatum.He has at all times been pleasant, heat and charming …till now. It’s straightforward to be charming if you end up giving somebody what you assume they need to hear: romance, respect, compliments, time and a spotlight. The problem — and true colours, to cite Cyndi Lauper — comes by means of when that individual needs one thing they usually’re not getting what they need. Solely when somebody is examined do you actually see what they’re fabricated from. That is true professionally and personally.You invited him to dinner, which I assume may even price not less than $150 or extra, together with wine and drinks, and many others. In return, you could both agree to permit him to remain over in your condominium, or he gained’t come. You might be right to imagine that this isn’t simply any in a single day visitor; you’ll each have consumed alcohol and you must each get to say when the night ends. Boy, he should assume he’s God’s reward to ladies if that’s his situation for driving two hours in a automobile.Nobody likes to be informed they need to do one thing, particularly in a social state of affairs — as I informed this letter author, who was invited by a buddy to a live performance at Carnegie Corridor and was instructed to purchase dinner days earlier than they had been as a consequence of meet. That is much more sinister due to the plain questions of safety (yours) and the plain implication of what staying over in your house would imply. Your own home is your secure house.Traditional gaslightingHe doesn’t have time to fiddle, subsequently you could have intercourse? That’s traditional gaslighting. This man is utilizing your hope for a relationship as leverage to have intercourse, which is all of the extra galling given that you simply invited him for dinner. His twisted logic: A critical relationship includes intercourse, doesn’t it? In truth, it’s the other. If he doesn’t have time to fiddle, as he says, he would take the time to get to know you, construct a friendship and deal with you with respect.On a extra sinister be aware, there’s a coercive side to his ultimatum. If Mr. Fantastic thinks he’s entitled to remain in your house on a second date, what different guidelines should he have? The Nationwide Home Violence Hotline defines sexual coercion thus: “One side of your life that you’ve full management over is how far you need to take it along with your romantic associate — whether or not that’s your husband or spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, or anybody you’re concerned with.”“It’s best to by no means really feel pressured into something that you simply’re not snug with or don’t really feel like doing,” it provides. “Have you ever ever felt pressured by your associate to have intercourse? Have you ever ever felt guilted into it, or felt such as you weren’t in a position to say no? Abuse is usually centered on energy and management in all elements of the connection, so it’s not unusual that an abusive associate will attempt to power intimacy. That is sometimes called sexual coercion.”Give it some thought: You end dessert, pay the invoice after which you’re obliged to convey him house? What planet does this man stay on? An important choice you can also make in your life, personally and financially, is your alternative of associate. I’ve a deep archive of letters from married {couples}, divorced {couples}, and {couples} who’re splitting up; all of them take care of unreasonable, weird and unacceptable habits from their partner or former associate. This one takes the biscuit.Block and delete — and don’t look again..Earlier columns by Quentin Fottrell:‘She is reasonably peeved’: My daughter’s male colleague acquired a much bigger pay increase. They each began on the identical day. Ought to she method her boss?‘He freaked out’: My buddy let me stay in his home if I did repairs, however sued me for unpaid hire — and gained $50,000. Then he died. What now?My daughter’s father died in a horrible accident, however he was not on the beginning certificates. How can I show paternity to assert her inheritance?Most Learn from MarketWatch